


Sacrament

by robinwritesallthethings



Category: Texas Killing Fields (2011)
Genre: F/M, Family, Religion, Romance, Self-Insert, Series
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-02-03
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-13 03:28:38
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 10,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13561800
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/robinwritesallthethings/pseuds/robinwritesallthethings
Summary: Robin Ballard is in the awkward position of being the daughter of a Catholic priest. She also doesn’t know if she believes in God. She thinks that she’ll always be alone, but when she meets Brian Heigh, he shows her that miracles are possible.





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> This story is for Proud chicka, who requested that I write about Brian Heigh.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian meets Robin.

_1982: Lake Placid, New York_

**Robin**

My father pulls the car into the driveway of the house that sits beside St. Agnes Parish, the only Catholic church in our new home of Lake Placid, New York.

There’s a large crowd of people waiting for us. I’m already nervous, and they’re making it worse.

My father is now Father David Ballard, and he’s come here to be their new priest.

His situation is rather unusual. He married my mother when they were both young. They had me, and it wasn’t long before things went bad.

She finally asked for a divorce.

She also asked that he take me off of her hands so she could be free.

That was when he was called to duty by God, according to him. He was worried that he wouldn’t be able to become a priest because of his failed marriage and me, but they accepted him. He went to seminary, served six months as a deacon, and now he’s been assigned here.

I know my father will be a good priest. He truly believes in his calling, and despite the unusual circumstances, I think people will warm to him quickly.

It might take them longer to get used to me.

I’ve already faced some disdain when my father was at seminary, and when he was a deacon too. For some, it was just that they didn’t want to accept a priest with a daughter.

But mostly it’s because I have no idea if I believe in God, and when you’re surrounded by people whose lives are built around that belief, it makes you a target.

I don’t necessarily mean in a bad way. It’s usually more in a badgering, I can finally convince you, I can finally save you way.

It makes it hard to make friends, and even harder to date. I’m sixteen, and I’ve never really had any close friends, and I’ve certainly never had a boyfriend.

All I’ve ever wanted is to fit in somehow, and I don’t think it’s going to be any easier here.

My father touches my shoulder comfortingly.

He believes that everything happens for a reason and that any problems we have we will work themselves out if we just have faith.

The problem is that I just don’t know where to find any.

**Brian**

I wave at my mom as I enter the church. She hurries over to me, straightening my tie and brushing imaginary dirt off of the shoulders of my shirt. I spot my dad talking to the new priest as everyone mills about, chatting and filling plates with the absolutely enormous amount of food people made to welcome him to town.

“How was practice, hon?” she asks as she straightens my collar. I’m the junior quarterback on the football team this year, and even though school hasn’t started yet, practice has.

“It was fine,” I answer vaguely.

Truthfully, the whole experience was a little distasteful.

All the guys at summer football practice were talking about the new priest’s daughter. It’s odd for a Catholic priest to have a daughter, and that makes her some sort of challenge to a lot of the guys at school.

They’ve already started taking bets about who can nail her first.

It’s mostly kids who don’t go to the church, although a lot of the ones who do are still planning to avoid her like the plague. Plenty of the parents have been talking about how it’s just not right for a priest to have a daughter.

I feel bad for her already. None of this is her fault, after all.

And besides, I believe that everything happens for a reason. I may not know what the reason is, and she might not either, but her presence has a purpose, no matter what anyone else thinks.

“Brian, hon, will you do me a favor?” my mother requests.

“Sure, Momma. What is it?”

“Go talk to Father David’s daughter. Most everyone is leaving her out, and I have to pay attention to the food tables. Besides, the poor thing needs a friend her own age.”

Right. We’re both sixteen. She should be a junior this year, same as me.

“Of course, Momma. Do you know where she is?”

“She’s leaning against the wall over there.” My mother points, then leans up and kisses my cheek. I’ve been taller than her ever since my growth spurt freshman year. “Thank you, hon.”

“You’re welcome, Momma.” She bustles off to the dessert table and I turn to look at the priest’s daughter.

At first, she’s blocked by a group of people heading to eat. Then they get to the table and I have a clear view of her.

My breath catches in my throat and I swallow hard, resisting the urge to tug at my collar, which suddenly feels tight.

My skin gets hot too.

She’s the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen.

She’s short and curvy, and very pale. She’s wearing a casual sleeveless mint green dress and white flats. Her legs are bare; she doesn’t have any jewelry or make-up on. Her hair is light brown and falls to just below her chin in short waves. She has the most adorable little swoop at the end of her nose, full pink lips, and big, sweet hazel eyes.

Those eyes catch mine and a very fetching blush spreads across her cheeks as she notices me staring.

I come back to myself as I realize that I’m being terribly rude and make my way over to her.

“Hi,” I greet her sheepishly, rubbing the back of my neck and offering her my hand. “Sorry I stared. I was looking for you and I got distracted.” It’s not really a lie, right? I try to be honest all the time because that’s what a person should do, but it might be kind of freaky if the first thing I say to her is that she looks like an angel.

Her blush deepens and she tentatively shakes my hand. “You were, um, looking for me?” she wonders softly.

I almost sigh. Her voice is like music.

I nod. “Yeah. I’m Brian. Brian Heigh. My family is in your congregation. That’s my mom over at the food table, and my dad is talking to your dad. My mom suggested I talk to you. I think we’re going to be in the same classes at school. You’re a junior, right?”

“That’s right,” she confirms. “I guess you already know this, but I’m Robin Ballard.” She pauses and licks her lips. “The priest’s daughter.”

“It’s nice to meet you, Robin. I hope you’ll like it here in Lake Placid.”

She bites her lower lip and looks around. “I guess I’ll find out.” Her voice is dejected, and for the first time, I notice how sad her eyes are.

I prop myself up on the wall next to her. “It must be uncomfortable coming to a new place,” I venture. I’ve lived here for my whole life, but I plan to leave to go to college, so I’m sure I’ll find out what she’s dealing with now soon enough.

“You have no idea,” she mutters. Even though we’re not touching, I can feel her tense. I glance around and notice that people are starting to stare at us and whisper.

“You might want to stop talking to me,” Robin says bitterly. “I’ve already heard what they’re saying about me, and you wouldn’t want to be corrupted.”

I realize that she’s really upset. I’m impressed at how well she’s hiding it. Once again, I feel bad for her. I know from the rumors that have been spreading around town that it’s just her and her father, and right now he can’t pay attention to her. But she must know that leaving would make him look bad, so she’s just lingering while people speculate behind her back.

It’s hard to escape scrutiny in a place this small. A little over 2,000 people live in town, but our church’s community is much smaller. Everyone pretty much makes it their business to know everything about everyone else.

But, in my experience, when people stick their noses where they really don’t belong, they tend to get things wrong.

It’s not that I think the people in town are bad people. But, like all people, they make mistakes. They judge when it’s not their place, and they gossip too much. It makes them jump to conclusions and write people off too quickly.

Robin might be able to break through all of that eventually, but it will take time and persistence.

What she needs right away is support from someone.

So I slowly reach along the wall and grab her hand, squeezing it comfortingly.

She looks at me in surprise, but doesn’t let go. “Have you eaten yet, Robin?” I ask, gesturing to the table with my free hand.

She shakes her head. “They’d look at me more,” she points out quietly. “I just don’t fit into the way they see the world. There’s nothing I can do to fix that.”

“You don’t have to fix it,” I assure her, reaching up and tucking a strand of her hair back into place.

She gazes up at me curiously. “Why are you so being so nice to me?” she wonders. “They’ve all judged me already. Why haven’t you?”

“Only God is allowed to judge, Robin,” I answer truthfully. “It’s not my place to. And I’d like to get to know you and decide what I think for myself, rather than making assumptions. You’re here for a reason. Everything happens for a reason, even if we don’t know what it is.”

She squints at me for a moment, then steps a little closer. “You really believe that, don’t you?”

I nod. “I do.”

She doesn’t respond. I seem to have thrown her for a loop.

“Come on,” I urge, standing up straight and pulling her gently with me. “Momma will kill me if I don’t feed you, so let’s get something to eat. Then I’ll show you a place where you can get away from all the prying eyes.”

Her fingers flex in mine as she thinks. “I’d like that,” she finally agrees. She seems a tiny bit more at ease, and I grin at her.

“Good. I promise the food will be great, at least. And you can say hello to Momma. I know she’s excited to meet you.”

“I guess two out of almost two hundred isn’t bad,” Robin quips.

I laugh. “See? You’re making progress already.”

She smiles and I let go of her hand, placing mine at the small of her back instead to guide her to the table.

I can see the world in her smile.

I’ve never been interested in a girl before. It’s not that the girls in town aren’t worth being interested in. They just never held my attention.

But Robin’s got all of my attention.

She’s gorgeous, polite, smart, and funny. I’m sure there’s more too; I just haven’t seen it yet.

I’ve thought a lot about what I want my life to look like when I go out into the world on my own, and there’s two things that I know for sure.

One is that I want to be a cop. A detective, one day, if I’m good enough. I want to help people, and keep them from being hurt. That’s a profession I’d be proud of.

The other is that I want to fall in love. Just once. I want to find that one person I can spend the rest of my life with. A person that I don’t have to keep any secrets from, that I can share all my hopes and fears with, that I can count on to be there when I need her. I want to marry her and have babies with her and spend the rest of my life loving my family.

I’ve always trusted that I would know her when I saw her. That God would give me some sort of sign when she appeared.

And now Robin’s standing next to me, and I don’t know what better sign there is than the most perfect angel of a woman trapped in a sea of people who want to shun her letting me hold her hand.

I feel like her spirit is clinging to mine. Like the threads of our souls are being inevitably twined together.

I wonder if it’s too much to hope that the reason she’s here is because she’s meant for me.


	2. Chapter Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Robin talk about religion.

_1982: Lake Placid, New York_

**Robin**

Brian guides me through the line at the food table, heaping two plates high with a little bit of everything. He introduces me to his mother briefly as she flits from table to table organizing. She shakes my hand and tells me that my father and I will have to come over for dinner sometime before excusing herself again.

She seems nice. It’s good to know that a few people aren’t afraid to talk to me, at least.

I grab sodas, silverware, and napkins, and follow Brian up a narrow little stairwell that opens onto a small balcony that overlooks the lake.

“Oh, wow,” I can’t help saying. “This has a great view.”

Brian nods and we sit down. He arranges the plates in front of us. “To share,” he informs me. “So you can try it all.”

“Ah,” I reply. “I was wondering how much you expected me to eat.”

He laughs. “I’m a teenage boy and an athlete. Trust me, nothing will go to waste.”

We start to eat. After a moment, he asks, "So what’s your story, Robin?”

I swallow and smile at him a little ruefully. “Don’t you already know? Everyone else seems to.”

He shrugs. “Sure, I’ve heard things. But I’d rather hear it from you.”

There’s no point in not telling him the truth. Apparently, there aren’t any secrets here.

“There’s not much to tell, really. What you’ve heard is probably true, based on what people downstairs are saying. My mother and father married young and it didn’t work out. My mother didn’t want me, so she divorced my father and left me with him. Then he decided to become a priest. Some people have a problem with it.”

I leave out the part about my personal beliefs. Obviously, everyone here is Catholic, and I’m sure Brian is no exception, especially considering what he said about God before. As nice as he’s being, I’m sure he has a limit. Everyone does.

“Hey,” he soothes me, wrapping a long arm around my shoulders and squeezing them gently. “It’s not your fault that you’re the daughter of a priest. That doesn’t define who you are. It’s what you are, but that’s it. You get to decide the rest.”

“Not when other people use it against you, it isn’t. And it’s only going to get worse.”

Brian frowns slightly. “Why worse, Robin?”

I shake my head. “Forget that I said anything. It’s not important.” At least I’m having a relatively nice time at the moment. There’s no need to ruin it just yet. Before he can say anything else about it, I distract him with a question of my own. “Why don’t you tell me about you, Brian? You said you’re an athlete?”

He nods. “Yeah. Football, basketball, hockey, and wrestling.”

“What do you do in your free time?” I tease. He laughs again. He has a nice laugh.

“I have to stay in shape,” he admits. “I want to be a cop one day. A detective, actually.”

“It sounds like you’ve got everything figured out.” I hope I don’t sound too jealous. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I mean, I’m only sixteen. How many people know what they want to be when they’re sixteen?

“Not everything,” he disagrees, reaching up and touching my hair again.

I finally look at him.

I mean really look at him.

He’s a very handsome boy.

He’s tall, lean, and well-muscled, with short brown hair and stunning hazel eyes that have an obvious hint of green in them. He has a wonderful smile, very straight, very white teeth, and gorgeous dimples that appear whenever his face lights up.

It’s lit up right now as he looks back at me, his fingers still in my hair.

Why is he looking at me like that?

I’ve already gotten used to the jokes and attention that come from being the teenage virgin daughter of a priest. I got harassed by boys at school all the time when my father was a deacon. But that’s definitely not the vibe I’m getting from Brian.

This feels far more serious.

If the situation were different, I might be flattered. A good-looking, athletic boy my age showing interest in me? That’s never happened before.

But Brian believes in too many things that I don’t. Once he realizes, he won’t look at me like that anymore.

“You should stop, Brian,” I tell him impulsively.

“Stop what, Robin?” His voice is soft and reverent as his fingertips brush my temple and his thumb strokes over my cheekbone.

“Looking at me like that,” I clarify. “I don’t mean this in a patronizing way, Brian, but I’m betting that you’re a good Catholic boy. And I’m not a good Catholic girl.”

“Why do you say that, Robin?” He doesn’t seem turned off at all.

I sigh. I may as well get it over with. The last thing I want to do is get my hopes up and then have to disappoint myself. “I don’t know if I believe in God, Brian,” I confess quietly. “And I’m not going to lie about it. I already told my father that. It makes things harder for me, but I don’t want to be dishonest.”

“There’s nothing wrong with being honest, Robin,” Brian assures me. “Faith isn’t something that comes easily. You can’t force it.”

“Tell that to everyone else, please,” I mutter.

He smiles. “I know that people can be pushy. They think it’s their duty to save everyone by convincing them to believe. But you can’t make someone believe. That’s something you can only find on your own.”

He pauses and moves our plates aside. “Come here,” he requests. “Let me show you something.”

**Brian**

I move so I’m sitting in the middle of the balcony, pulling Robin with me until her back is resting against my chest. I put my arms around her and point at the sunset that’s starting to happen over the lake.

“Just watch,” I whisper in her ear, rubbing my hands soothingly over her upper arms, keeping my cheek pressed against hers.

The sun sinks lower. The rays hit the water and explode into a sparkling array of orange, pink, and purple. Robin gasps softly at the sight and I smile against her skin.

She keeps watching while I breathe her in. She smells wonderful, like a mixture of fruit and flowers and herbs and rain mixed with sunshine. It’s not perfume; all of the scents are just lingering on her skin, probably from the shampoo and body wash and lotion she uses.

I squeeze her just a little tighter and murmur, “I like how honest you are, Robin. I think it takes a lot of courage to admit something like that, especially considering your situation. You shouldn’t feel bad for not being able to make yourself have faith.”

I pause. “Do you know how many people who claim to be religious don’t really have any faith?” I ask her seriously. “It’s not the trappings that make you a good Catholic. The masses, the rituals, all of that. It’s faith.”

“You have faith,” she states quietly.

“I do. I always have. My mother calls it my gift.”

“Doesn’t the world make you doubt it, Brian? So many bad things happen all the time.”

Her question is sincere. She’s genuinely curious, not trying to test me or give me a hard time.

“That’s because God gave us free will,” I explain. “Not everyone uses it well. That’s why I want to work in law enforcement. I want to stop people from being hurt. I think it’s one of the things I was put here to do.”

“How are you so sure? What if you make a mistake and screw everything up?”

“Everybody makes mistakes, Robin,” I comfort her. “No one is perfect. That’s why Jesus died for us. So we could be free to make mistakes and not suffer for them. I’m not saying that everything we do is forgivable. I believe that there are things we shouldn’t do and that aren’t justifiable for any reason. But just regular, average living? That’s full of mistakes. You just have to trust your instincts and God’s plan.”

“You make it sound simple, Brian,” she murmurs wistfully.

I shake my head. “It’s not simple at all, Robin.” I graze her chin with my fingers, tilting her head up and brushing my nose over hers as I gaze into her eyes. “You just have to do the best you can. That means taking chances, but it’s the only way forward. I try to live as honestly as possible and hope that’s enough.”

I can tell that I’ve given her something to think about. Her eyes are still sad, but there’s something fighting the sadness now. “Any time you need to talk about your doubts, Robin, I won’t judge you. Don’t be afraid to come to me.”

She nods and I grab our plates again. “Let’s finish eating and then go back downstairs. You have to try Momma’s angel food cake. It’s the best.”

“Angel food cake is my favorite,” she admits quietly.

I smile at her, because of course it is.

What else would an angel eat?


	3. Chapter Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Robin think about each other after their evening together ends.

_1982: Lake Placid, New York_

**Robin**

After Brian and I finish eating, we head back downstairs. He gets us slices of cake and we sit at one of the tables. He introduces me to a few people. Some at least try to be welcoming, others are indifferent, and a few are openly disturbed by my presence. I smile and greet each one of them graciously, regardless of their reaction.

The event is starting to wind down. Brian’s mother is packing up all of the extra food, so he goes to help her and I follow him. She says that my father and I are going to be keeping everything so that we have meals until we get settled in. I tell her that it’s far too much for the two of us, but she insists.

Brian and each take armfuls of containers and carry them back across the driveway to the rectory. It dawns on me that I haven’t even been inside yet. I know that the congregation cleaned the house and let the movers in to place the furniture for us. I’ll start unpacking tomorrow.

I open the fridge, surprised to find it stocked with a few other quick essentials. Milk, eggs, bread, juice. There’s flour, sugar, and coffee in the kitchen cabinets when I open them to put away the things that don’t need to be refrigerated.

I saw that my father was being given gifts by people at the party too. Fresh apples, tomatoes, green peppers. I’ll barely have to get anything at the store tomorrow.

“Thank you,” I tell Brian before we walk back over to the church. “For helping and for your advice.”

“You’re welcome, Robin.” He smiles at me. This time, I study him as he does.

There’s something secret behind that smile, like he knows something that I don’t.

We take another load of leftovers back to the house. Before we can return to the church again, my father walks in with Brian’s parents.

“I think we got the last of it,” Brian’s father says cheerfully. “Shawn Heigh, young lady,” he introduces himself, shaking my hand. “You must be Robin, David’s daughter.”

“Yes, sir.”

“I see you met Brian already?”

I nod. “He’s been very kind to me, sir.”

“Of course he has! That’s my boy.” He claps Brian on the back and Brian shrugs sheepishly. “How was football practice, son?”

“Good, Pop.”

“David, you like football?”

“Sure do, Shawn,” my dad confirms.

“Brian here is the junior quarterback at Lake Placid High School this year. I’m hoping he’ll start a few games. Next year he definitely will, since he’ll be senior quarterback.”

Brian blushes. “I have to prove myself this year first, Pop.”

“You will, son.” Shawn glances at me. “Do you watch football, Robin?”

“I do, sir.” I know that my father will attend all of the school events to support the congregation’s families, so I suppose I will too.

“Well, you’ll have to watch Brian play. He’s got a great arm. Girls like stuff like that, don’t they?”

“Pop,” Brian mutters, running his hand through his hair nervously.

“What? You don’t like any of the other girls in town. Maybe you’ll like her.”

My father laughs. “Do I need to get my gun, Shawn?” he jokes.

That starts them on a conversation about hunting, thank goodness.

Brian’s mother rubs my back. “Don’t mind Shawn, Robin. He just wants Brian to be happy.”

“I understand, ma’am.” I blush and look at Brian, who is suddenly very interested in what the floor looks like.

“I’m going to check the church one more time,” Brian’s mother announces.

Then we’re alone again.

“Sorry about that,” Brian apologizes.

“It’s not your fault,” I assure him. “It’s sweet that your dad wants you to be happy.”

“I was going to ask if I could show you around town tomorrow,” Brian suggests. “I have football practice most of the day, but I’m free in the evening, about the same time that the dinner started today.”

“I’d like that,” I confess. “I have to unpack and run errands, and a break would be nice about then. I imagine my father is going to be busy working and getting used to everything.”

“Then I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

“Okay.”

Once Brian’s mother comes back, he leaves with his parents.

My father wanders into the kitchen as I’m making sure everything is put away in its proper place and gives me a hug.

“So what’s the story with this boy, Robin?”

I laugh. “You never beat around the bush, do you, Dad?” He raises his eyebrows and I sigh. “I just met him tonight, Dad. He was nice to me. He’s in my grade and offered to show me around town tomorrow. I said yes, if that’s okay with you.”

“You’ve had problems with boys before,” he hedges, clearly nervous about it.

“Brian’s not that kind of boy, Dad. I can tell.”

“I know you’ll be careful, sweetie,” he relents. My father trusts my judgment; it’s other people he tends to be suspicious of. I know he wants to think positively of the members of his new congregation too. “Just let me know where you’ll be and when. I’m going to be pretty busy over the next few weeks.”

“I know, Dad. It’s okay.” Still, I quickly change the subject. “Do you know where the box with the sheets is?”

Dad helps me find the sheets and we both head to bed. My new room is nice; I’ll feel better when I get it all sorted out tomorrow.

I should be tired, but I can’t sleep.

Instead, I think about what Brian said.

It’s an odd view for someone who is so obviously religious, but I like it.

And the way he looked at me has taken on new context after what his father said about him not liking any girls in town.

Could he really like me?

And if he does, will it really not matter to him that I don’t feel the same way he does about God?

I’ve been isolated for so long. I’m sixteen years old. I should be hanging out at the mall with friends and pining after boys. Instead, I’ve been hiding ever since my dad decided to become a priest and I realized what that meant for me.

I’m just afraid of getting hurt.

Though I suppose that closing yourself off to keep from getting hurt means that you never get to feel anything at all.

I don’t want that either.

Brian said that everything happens for a reason. And he didn’t say it in the way that he meant that everything is fate or preordained. He just means that everything has a purpose. Maybe an unfathomable purpose, but a purpose, nonetheless.

I’ve never really bought into the idea of fate, but what if he’s right?

What if everything does happen for a reason?

That would mean that I’m not just here because I’ve been dragged along on my father’s path.

It would mean that I’m here for my own purpose.

But what is it?

**Brian**

I’m quieter than usual on the car ride home.

I can’t get Robin out of my head.

“You okay, hon?”

I smile. “Yeah, Momma. Just tired from practice.”

“You sure you’re not thinking about that girl, son?”

I chuckle. “Might be, Pop,” I admit carefully.

“Really, hon?” Momma turns around in her seat, suddenly excited. “She was very lovely. What did you talk about?”

“School. Sports. Church. Basic stuff.” I know I said I always try to be honest, but I’m still sorting through all of my feelings about Robin. I don’t know how much I’m ready to tell them yet.

My parents know that I want to get married and have a family. I even told them about knowing the one when I saw her.

But now that I’ve seen her, it seems intensely private. It’s the first thing I’ve ever wanted to keep for myself, really. These are feelings that no one else can understand.

I’m not even sure I understand them, if I’m being honest. I just know they’re true.

“I’m going to show her around town tomorrow after practice, if that’s all right,” I continue before my silence becomes too conspicuous.

“Oh, that’ll be nice, hon,” Momma says.

“Sure thing, son. You need any money? You shouldn’t make a girl pay, even if you’re just taking her out as a friend.”

“I’ve got plenty left from my summer yardwork, Pop.”

“Okay.”

We pull into our driveway. I make sure my parents don’t need anything and then head up to my bedroom.

I don’t go to sleep just yet. Instead, I think about Robin.

I’m not sure what to do next. She seems so fragile in certain ways, and I don’t want to overwhelm her.

Maybe the best thing to do is take it slow. Just let her get to know me, and get to know her.

I’m more certain than ever that she’s meant for me, and that I’m meant for her. I held her in my arms and it just felt right.

And she was honest with me, even though I know she was afraid to be. That means more than I can say.

I turn onto my side, hugging my pillow and remembering the way she smelled.

I can’t wait until tomorrow night.


	4. Chapter Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A month passes. Brian falls more in love with Robin every day, and finally decides to do something about it.

_1982: Lake Placid, New York_

**Brian**

I spend as much time as I can over the next month with Robin.

I show her all around town. We visit all the tourist sites and go out on the lake in a boat with my parents. She and her father eat at my house a few times. My family eats at her house a few times.

She starts coming to watch me practice.

Once school starts, we study together. The school is small, so we have all the same classes together. She’s really good at English, but struggles a bit with math and science. I’m a little better at those, so I help her. We’re both good at history.

I am more in love with her every moment of every day.

I’ve learned a lot about her in a month.

She loves to read. She likes classic horror movies. Dolphins are her favorite animal. She plays the piano and sings quite well, so she helps out with the music at church. She enjoys cooking and she’s really, really great at it.

She prefers going to aquariums, museums, and zoos, places where she can learn something. She adores the water. She wears bright colors, like yellow and aqua. She doesn’t wear make-up because she hates the way it feels on her face.

She has no idea what she wants to do with her life, and that scares her. She feels very alone.

But not as much now that we’re friends, she told me.

She’s very affectionate. She likes to be held and hugged.

All the rumors around school say that we’re dating. We’re not.

But the homecoming dance is coming up, and I am planning to ask her.

I just have to work up the nerve.

I stall until the night before the dance. I’m the starting quarterback in the game, and I guess I’m hoping to impress her.

Not that I think I really have to. I know she likes me.

But does she love me?

Does she want to spend the rest of her life with me?

I can’t even think about if the answers don’t go my way, but I don’t think she’s ready for those questions yet anyway.

The game goes better than I could have hoped. I score five touchdowns, including the winning one.

Robin sits in the front row with her father and my parents, cheering me on the whole time.

The guys all come to lift me up on their shoulders, but I just take off my helmet, walk over to Robin, and blurt out, “Will you go to the dance with me tomorrow night?”

She beams at me and says yes.

**Robin**

I’ve spent most of my first month in Lake Placid with Brian.

He shows me all of the tourist sites, and all of the little local places that only someone who’s lived here their whole life would know about.

A lot of it is food. Best slice of pizza, best ice cream, best donut, best burger.

He takes me to a little store that sells everything blueberry you can imagine. Blueberries are my favorite fruit. I get a blueberry cobbler scented candle for the kitchen at the house, along with blueberry lip balm, truffles, hot cocoa, and coffee.

I go out on a boat with him and his parents. He hangs onto me the whole time.

My father and I eat with his family and they eat with us. Brian ends up loving my meatloaf and mashed potatoes and eats three servings whenever I make it. I always give him more green beans with each helping too.

His reaction is the same every time. He laughs and says, “Thanks for looking out for me.” Then he kisses my cheek.

I go to all of his football practices, ignoring the jokes the other boys make about me and just focusing on him.

We have all the same classes together once school starts, so we study together too. He helps me with math and science. I’m okay at them, but not great.

I think I’m falling in love with him.

I’ve learned a lot about him in a month.

He loves anything having to do with mysteries, which is unsurprising, considering that he wants to be a detective. He has stacks of true crime books and fictional thrillers. He loves Hitchcock movies; I’ve never seen most of them, so we have movie nights every weekend. He loves animals, especially dogs. He wants to get a puppy of his own one day and train it himself.

He plays the guitar. He shouldn’t be allowed anywhere near a stove, but he can hunt and butcher very well. He likes nature. Camping, hiking, anything like that is his preferred activity. He has every color of plaid shirt known to man; they’re his favorite. He doesn’t wear cologne.

He knows exactly what he wants his life to look like. He tells me that he’s just looking for one missing piece.

He won’t tell me what that piece is yet, but he seems to know.

He doesn’t mind holding me, and he gives great hugs.

All the rumors around school say that we’re dating. We’re not.

The homecoming dance is coming up, and I’ve been hoping that he’ll ask me.

But now it’s the night before the dance, and he hasn’t asked me yet, though I don’t think he’s asked anyone else.

I’d say yes in a heartbeat if he asked.

I think I want to spend the rest of my life with him.

But I keep worrying that I’m not enough. That my lack of faith will get in the way, though it hasn’t seemed to bother him yet.

I push those thoughts aside for now. After all, I don’t even know if he wants me.

He plays well. He scores five touchdowns, including the winning one.

I sit with my father and his parents, cheering louder each time he scores.

When the game is over, the guys all go to lift him up on their shoulders, but he just takes off his helmet, walks over to me, and blurts out, “Will you go to the dance with me tomorrow night?”

I beam at him and say yes.

His mother insists on taking me shopping the next day so I can pick out a dress. It’s nice of her to spend time with me; she’s definitely thought of herself as my surrogate mother since I arrived here, even though no one asked her to be.

I end up picking a dress that’s aqua with white polka dots. It has a high neckline, bell sleeves, and a short skirt.

I hope Brian will think that it’s pretty.

Dad tells me to have fun and be careful. He likes Brian and knows that he wouldn’t ever hurt me.

When I open the door, Brian actually sighs when he sees me. I blush as he slips a white rose corsage around my wrist. “You’re so beautiful,” he compliments me.

“Thank you,” I answer, blushing more. I reach out and touch his tie. “That’s the same one you wore on the day we met,” I observe.

He smiles and holds out his arm for me. “You noticed.” He points to the driveway. “I have my dad’s car.”

At the dance, he sweeps me out onto the floor and gathers me up in his arms. I never wear heels, so my head fits perfectly under his chin as he holds me.

We dance to song after song.

I’ve never been happier.

“You’re a good dancer,” I murmur, tilting my head so I can look up at him.

He smiles. “I had my mom teach me so I could dance with you, Robin.”

My eyes get wide. “Really, Brian?”

He nods, slipping his fingers under my chin.

“You’re an angel, Robin,” Brian whispers. “My angel. From the moment I saw you, I knew you were meant for me, and I was meant for you. You’re the missing piece I’ve been looking for. Now that you’re here, my life can really start.”

He’s so, so certain, and he’s looking at me with all the love in the world in his eyes.

Suddenly, I’m feeling everything instead of nothing, and for the first time, I don’t want to resist.

So I push up onto my tiptoes and press my lips against his.

**Brian**

Robin’s kiss is soft and sweet.

I hold her close and kiss her back. My heart is beating fast, and I finally feel entirely alive.

“I love you, Robin,” I tell her. “My angel.”

“I love you too, Brian.”

I smile and kiss her again.

I am never going to let her go.


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian and Robin make promises to each other.

_1983: Lake Placid, New York_

**Brian**

Ever since that dance, Robin and I have been inseparable. My parents are thrilled. Her father was a bit more hesitant, but I’ve proved my intentions to him and he’s not so worried about us being alone together anymore.

My parents got me a car for Christmas. I take Robin to and from school and work now. She’s got a job at the local library and gives me gas money, even though I tell her she doesn’t have to.

I’ve been saving it all in a leftover jar from one of those blueberry cobbler candles she likes.

She’s saving the rest for our life together, she told me.

We have plans. I’m going to apply to several colleges in New York City and get a degree in law enforcement, then go to a police academy. Then hopefully I can find a job in a police department and work my way up to becoming a detective one day.

Robin doesn’t know what she wants to do yet, but she wants to come with me. Right now, she says she’s planning to work and support us while I’m in school. I’m going to get a job too; I read that a lot of law enforcement majors get security guard jobs for practice.

I wish I could take care of her well enough so that she didn’t have to work, although I know that she would feel guilty about that. Plus she’d go crazy with nothing to do.

It’s not that I’m too proud to let her help support us. I think it’s sweet that she doesn’t just expect that I’ll take care of everything.

It’s just that I want to take care of her, and the family that we’ll have one day.

I haven’t told her yet, but I’m going to ask her to marry me before we leave for the city.

Her birthday party is this weekend, so I’m getting her a promise ring. I’m not going to exactly propose yet, but it’s the first step.

Now I’m at the jewelry store in the mall. It’s owned by Mr. Herbert, one of the members of our church. He greets me happily as I come in.

“Brian! Saw your hockey game last week; you did great!” I grin and thank him before he continues. “You here to get something for your girl? Her birthday’s soon, right?”

I nod. “It is, sir. I want to get her a promise ring.”

“That’s a lovely idea, Brian. Do you know what you want?”

I nod. “Actually, I do, sir.”

**Robin**

My entire Saturday is occupied by my birthday party. Of course, it’s a church event. Everyone brought food, and there are about twenty cakes. Brian’s mother made my main cake, though. Angel food. My favorite.

Things are better than I expected here. I know that Brian and his family are one of the reasons for that. Everyone has also decided that they like my father, which helps.

I know that most of them still aren’t entirely comfortable with me, but at least the talk has died down. Whatever their feelings, they’re keeping them to themselves, and that’s something to be grateful for.

Honestly, I feel like I can deal with anything as long as Brian and I are together.

Ever since the dance, my life has been different. Better. Every day feels more worth it.

I think Brian was right. I think that we’re meant for each other.

I still haven’t found faith in anything else, but I have faith in that.

Since all the gifts have been opened and everyone’s just lingering over dessert, I’m able to sneak away to the balcony with Brian.

“Thank you for my gift,” I tell him, wrapping my arms around him and leaning up to give him a kiss. He gave me a silver necklace with a pendant that’s two dolphins intertwined around my birthstone, an aquamarine.

“You’re welcome.” He smiles. “But that wasn’t your only gift.” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small white velvet box and I gasp.

“Brian, what are you…?”

He reaches up and touches my hair. “It’s not an engagement ring,” he clarifies. “It’s a promise ring.” He opens the box and shows it to me.

“Brian, it’s beautiful.”

The ring is two silver bands that fuse together at the bottom. There are two stones, each one in the shape of a heart. One is an aquamarine and one is a diamond. My name is engraved in cursive next to the aquamarine, and his next to the diamond, which is his birthstone. There are two small diamonds in a row next to each heart.

“The stones aren’t real,” he admits sheepishly as he pulls it out of the box. “But I wanted to give you something.” He slowly slides the band over my left ring finger. “Something to show you how much I love you and what that means to me.”

He puts two fingers over my lips before I can say anything and I smile at him. He smiles back.

“Robin,” he says softly, gazing down into my eyes, “I promise to love you more every day for the rest of my life. I promise to cherish you and protect you and care for you, and for the family we’ll make together one day. I promise to always support you, and to try and make all your hopes and dreams come true. And I promise to have enough faith for both of us when you’re lost and don’t have enough.”

He clasps my hand in both of his and raises my knuckles to his lips. “I love you, my angel.”

“Oh, Brian,” I murmur, “I love you too.”

**Brian**

A month and a half later, we’re celebrating my birthday. Robin helps my mother make a decadent chocolate cake with peppermint icing. It’s my favorite. I love anything with peppermint, and so does Robin.

Once again, we sneak away to the balcony when most of the festivities are over.

“Thank you for my gift,” I tell her, wrapping my arms around her and leaning down to give her a kiss. She got me a tactical duty gear bag I’ve been wanting so I can start building a kit of stuff to keep with me at all times once I’m studying and working.

“You’re welcome.” She smiles. “But that wasn’t your only gift.”

I grin as she pulls a black velvet box out of the pocket of her skirt.

She opens it, revealing a dark metal ring with a beveled edge and a brushed center. She holds it up so I can see the engraving on the inside.

_My faith always._

She slowly slides the band over my left ring finger, then puts two fingers over my lips before I can say anything.

“Brian,” she says softly, her eyes shining, “I promise to love you more every day for the rest of my life. I promise to cherish you and protect you and care for you, and for the family that we’ll make together one day. I promise to always support you, and to try and make all your hopes and dreams come true. And I promise to always have faith in you, no matter how much my faith in everything else wavers.”

She kisses my hand sweetly. “I love you, Brian.”

I cup her face in my hands as we kiss. “I love you too, Robin. My angel,” I murmur.


	6. Chapter Six

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> One step closer.

_1984: Lake Placid, New York_

**Brian**

Robin and I turn eighteen.

I get into all the colleges I apply to, so I pick the best one.

In May, I go to the campus for a visit with my parents. Robin comes too. We look at living options. All of the apartments are pretty expensive, but there are some really small ones we can afford.

We choose a close one and sign a lease to start in August. Robin picks up job applications for places nearby. She’s decided that she doesn’t want to go to school for now, and I know that she wants to stay home with the kids once we have them.

There’s a party for all of the seniors when we graduate from high school. We hang out for a few hours and then sneak off to be alone by the lake.

There’s a public boathouse tucked away in a corner cove that has a nice little porch. We stretch out in one of the long lounge chairs and start to kiss.

We kiss a lot and touch a lot, but we’ve never gone further than that.

Not that we don’t want to. I’ve gotten… excited… plenty of times when we’ve made out. But we’ve never felt ready. And I would never rush her, just like she would never rush me.

Tonight feels different, though.

I feel like now our lives can really start.

I pull Robin into my lap, putting my hands under her skirt. She smiles against my lips.

“Your hands feel nice, Brian,” she breathes.

“I want you, my angel,” I whisper. “The way a man wants a woman.”

Robin kisses me. “I want you that way too, Brian. But we have to wait.”

I open my eyes and look at her. “Okay,” I agree quietly. I don’t want to be the kind of guy who pushes until I get what I want.

She runs her fingers through my hair and kisses me again. “You don’t want to know why?” she wonders.

I shake my head. “Why doesn’t matter. What matters is that you said no.”

“Why matters to me,” she replies.

I kiss her. “Tell me why, my angel.”

“Don’t you believe that it’s a sin, Brian? I would never ask you to do something that you think is a sin.” She gets quiet, and I know what she’s thinking.

I take her face between my hands and make sure I’m looking into her eyes when I say, “Loving you is not a sin, Robin. I know we don’t believe in all of the same things, but we believe in each other. You’re honest, and you’re a good person. That is what matters.”

She nods, but her eyes are filled with tears. “I just don’t want you to wake up one day and regret choosing someone who’s so different in some ways.”

I know she loves me, and I know she trusts me. It’s why this worry eats at her.

“Robin,” I soothe her, “I will never regret choosing you. I love you. I love everything about you. You know that.” I let my fingers graze her promise ring. “I made you a promise, and I meant it. I am never going to love anyone else. That’s why making love to you now wouldn’t be a sin either, even though it’s before marriage. I’m not lusting after you or planning on leaving you.”

She smiles again. “You are a strange and wonderful man, Brian Heigh.”

I grin at her. “Your strange and wonderful man,” I assure her. I play with her hair for a moment. “You know what I think about sin, Robin,” I remind her quietly. “The action itself is important, but so is the intention. It’s not as simple as a set list of rules. It’s not exactly doctrinal, but it’s what I believe.”

“I like it.” She pauses and looks back up at me shyly. “It’s not just the idea of sin, Brian,” she admits, gesturing around us. “I don’t want us to have to worry about getting caught, or having to rush. When we make love for the first time, I want it to be beautiful and slow.”

She blushes, and I know she’s thinking that it’s just a silly fantasy. But it’s not. Not to me, at least.

“Whatever you want, my angel,” I murmur. “Whatever you want.”

“I love you, Brian.”

“I love you, Robin. That’s why I got you this.”

I sit up and move her, cradling her in my lap. I pull the ring box out of my pocket and hold it up to her.

“Brian…” She runs her fingers over my face as hers breaks out into the biggest smile I’ve ever seen.

The ring is vintage. I’d been planning on getting her a ring so we can get married this summer, and I saw this one in a thrift shop and knew it was perfect. It has a thin yellow gold band topped with an opal and two small diamonds in a white gold setting.

I wanted her engagement ring to be real, even if it’s small.

“Marry me, Robin. Now. This summer. Come to New York as my wife.”

“Yes, Brian.”

I take her promise ring off and put her engagement ring on, then unclasp her dolphin necklace and slip the promise ring onto the chain before clasping it again.

We kiss. Her head tips back against my shoulder and I cup her cheek in my hand.

We stay by the lake all night and watch the sun come up.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s Brian and Robin’s wedding day.

_1984: Lake Placid, New York_

**Robin**

It’s my wedding day.

I never thought I would say that at all, much less when I was eighteen.

My heart is pounding with excitement.

I am very ready to be married to Brian for the rest of my life.

His mother helped me find my dress at the same thrift shop where he bought my engagement ring. I didn’t want to get one that was too expensive; there are more important things to spend our money on.

It’s long-sleeved, but it’s linen, so it’s light. The skirt stops at my ankles so it won’t drag on the grass. The neckline is high, and there’s a flower pattern on the fabric.

I’ve left my hair down. Several of the women from the church curled it, and a few of the younger girls made me a flower crown out of daisies this morning.

Brian insisted that we get married outside, even though I kept telling him that it was all right if he wanted to be married in the church.

But he said it was important for both of us to be comfortable, so he worked with my father and designed a modified ceremony for us.

I still worry that my lack of faith will disappoint him, but he always proves me wrong.

I expect that will keep happening for a long time.

“Are you ready, hon?” Brian’s mother holds me at arm’s length and smiles. “Oh, you’re so pretty, Robin. Brian’s going love it.” She takes a deep breath. “Okay, I can’t start crying yet,” she reminds herself. “Now, as soon as you say I do, you start calling me Momma, okay?”

“Okay,” I promise, squeezing her hand. “Thank you.”

She hands me a bouquet of daisies that the younger girls picked for me and practically pushes me outside.

**Brian**

“My tie is fine, Pop,” I tell my father for what feels like the fortieth time. He stands back and looks at me and shakes his head.

“Sorry, son,” he grunts, trying to be stoic. “A man only gets married once, you know.”

“I know, Pop. But you’re making me nervous. I’m not supposed to be nervous.”

I’ve been looking forward to this day since I met Robin, and I am definitely ready. But I just want all the fussing to be over so we can get married.

Robin’s father is marrying us, of course, using the modified ceremony I designed with him. Everyone is seated, which means we’re almost ready to start.

He comes and puts his arm around me briefly. “Ready, Brian?”

I sigh. “More than ever, sir,” I admit.

He smiles. “I’m proud to call you my son, Brian. I know you make Robin very happy.”

I nod shyly. “Thank you, sir.”

Traditionally, there would be a lot of hymns and prayers before the wedding ceremony, but I wanted it to be shorter. I picked the hymn “O Perfect Love” to be played in an instrumental version while Robin walks down the aisle. It seemed appropriate.

Of course, I’m not listening at all as the music starts to play.

All I see is her as she walks toward me.

She is stunningly beautiful in her white dress. Her hair is down and she’s wearing a flower crown that I know the younger girls made for her today.

Everyone turns to look at her and she blushes.

Then her eyes find mine and she smiles.

Before I realize it, my feet are moving. I hear a flurry of whispers as I meet her halfway down the aisle, taking her hands in mine and guiding her up to the dais that’s sitting on the grass beside the church.

I hold her in my arms, staring into her eyes as her father starts to speak.

“Dearly beloved, you have come together so that in the presence of the community your intention to enter marriage may be strengthened with a sacred seal, your love be enriched, and so that you may have the strength to be faithful to each other forever and assume all the responsibilities of married life. And so I ask you to state your intentions.”

“Brian and Robin, have you come here to enter into marriage without coercion, freely and wholeheartedly?”

“I have,” I answer.

“I have,” Robin murmurs.

“Are you prepared, as you follow the path of marriage, to love and honor each other for as long as you both shall live?”

“I am.”

“I am.”

“Are you prepared to accept children lovingly and bring them up well?”

I smile, raising Robin’s fingers to my lips and kissing them. “I am.”

Robin blushes more as she whispers, “I am.”

Momma sniffles loudly and my shoulders start to shake a little as I laugh.

Robin’s father smiles. “Join your right hands and declare your consent before us.”

We decided together to keep the traditional vows. We’ve already said plenty else to each other privately, and we have the rest of our lives to say more.

I take a deep breath, never moving my eyes from her. “I, Brian, take you, Robin, to be my wife. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.”

I can tell that she’s reminding herself to speak loudly enough for everyone to hear. “I, Robin, take you, Brian, to be my husband. I promise to be faithful to you, in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, to love you and to honor you all the days of my life.”

Her father touches my shoulder and hers. “What has been joined, let no one put asunder.” I pull our wedding rings out of my shirt pocket. They’re both simple gold bands. “Bless these rings, which you will give to each other as the sign of your love and fidelity.”

I take Robin’s engagement ring off, slide her wedding ring on, and put her engagement back on top of it. She beams at me as she takes my ring and puts it on my finger.

He doesn’t even have to tell me to kiss the bride, because I’m already doing it.

I lift Robin up and spin her around as everyone claps and cheers for us.

**Robin**

I’m snuggled into Brian’s arms on the dance floor.

It’s the last dance of the night.

Everyone’s congratulated us multiple times. There was yet another giant church potluck. Momma made a little wedding cake just for the two of us; otherwise, there was the normal array of desserts for everyone else.

Everyone made a toast. I danced with my father, then with Brian’s father, but otherwise, I’ve only danced with Brian. Momma’s going to load up all of the gifts people brought so we can open them and go through them later.

Earlier, I was very ready to become Brian’s wife. Now I am very ready to be alone with my husband.

The song ends and Brian kisses my cheek. “Are you ready to go, my angel?”

“You wouldn’t believe how ready I am, Brian,” I whisper, turning to brush his lips with mine.

He smiles. “I might. Come on. Let’s say goodbye to everyone.”

We thank people for coming as we walk past them on our way to our parents.

Shawn hugs me. “I’m glad that you’re my daughter now, Robin,” he says. He’s been choked up ever since his toast; I think it’s sweet.

I hug my father tightly. “I love you, Robin,” he tells me.

“I love you too, Dad.”

Momma hugs me as hard as she can. She pulls me a little further away from everyone else so we can have a moment alone and whispers in my ear. “Hon, do you have any questions? About tonight? About, you know, becoming a woman?”

I blush and smile. “No, Momma,” I answer honestly. “I know Brian will take care of me.”

“Okay, hon.” She cups my face in her hands and kisses my forehead. “I love you, you know. Like you were my own daughter.”

That makes me tear up a little. It’s been a long time since I had a mother. “I love you too, Momma,” I tell her, giving her another hug. “Thank you.”

I feel Brian’s hands on my waist as he turns me. “Time to go, Mrs. Heigh,” he teases gently.

I beam up at him. “I love you, Brian.”

He grins. “I love you too, my angel.”

**Brian**

I hug Momma while Robin talks to our fathers. She touches my face and tries not to cry. Well, cry more. She’s been teary-eyed all day.

“I swear that yesterday you were just a baby, Brian,” she sniffles. “You’ve grown up so fast.” I smile at her. “You be a good man now, hon, and take care of Robin. She’s an amazing woman.”

“I know she is, Momma. I’m gonna be the best man I can for her.”

I shake David’s hand before moving on to my father. He looks even more emotional than Momma for once.

“Pop? You okay?”

Suddenly, he pulls me into a fierce hug. “I’m so proud of you, son. I couldn’t be prouder. You’ve grown up into a fine man, Brian, and I know you’re going to be a fantastic husband.”

“Thanks, Pop,” I murmur, hugging him back. “I’m gonna do the best I can.” I’m starting to feel like a broken record.

He nods, holding my shoulders and looking me over. “Do you need any, uh, advice? About tonight?”

I can’t help blushing. “No, Pop. I’ve got it.”

“You two have already…?”

I shake my head gently. “No, Pop, we haven’t. I just, um, well. I don’t need anyone to tell me how to love my wife.” I linger on that last word for a moment. It feels so strange and wonderful on my lips.

Robin’s my wife, and tonight I get to make love to her for the first time.

“Okay, son,” Pop says gently. “Go now. Be alone together.”

We finally make it to the car. She sighs in relief and leans against me as I start it. I squeeze her shoulders briefly before beginning to drive.

As a wedding gift, Mr. and Mrs. Klein, who own and rent out all the cabins near the lake, gave us one for the month that we’ll still be in town. It will be a honeymoon and our first little place together all in one.

It doesn’t take us long to get there.

We sit in the car for a moment, enjoying the silence.

Then I take Robin’s hand, bringing it to my lips and kissing her knuckles.

“Come on, my angel. Let’s go inside,” I whisper. All of our things are already there; Momma stocked the cabin yesterday to get it ready for us.

Robin nods and I guide her out of the car, tucking her into my side as we walk up the path to the cabin door.

Now we finally get to really be alone together.


End file.
